A Picture of True Sacrifice

Okay so this is an excerpt from a book that I just recently finished. I highly encourage that no matter who you are you read this, because it's amazing. 

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I Have Liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed."

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I Have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed At." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've Yelled at My Brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger," "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

By Joshua Harris. Orginally published in New Attitude Magazine. Copyright New Attitude, 1995.

God grant me patience.. but hurry!

This post is all about being patient, and while I'm typing this I'm thinking about all of the people that don't have the time to read an entire blog. I don't say that because I'm trying to guilt you into reading it either (unless it works), but because patience is a lost thought in a world of instant everything.

So I'd like to start by pointing out that this is something I am constantly working on improving. I spent the summer of 2013 as a camp counselor for anywhere from fourth graders to recent high school graduates, and if there's one thing that God taught me over and over and over again is that I need to work on my patience. When it comes down to it, I'm the equivalent of a four year old waiting in line for candy (or pretty much anything actually). It comes down to some weird American thought process of "I want it, and I want it now" which baffles me, but at the same time I catch myself in that exact mindset fairly frequently.

Ephesians 4:1-3 "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

In the words of my pastor we live in a world of "fast". We have fast food, fast internet, instant movies, instant messaging, and the list goes on for quite some time. We live in an age where there is no time to linger around doing nothing, there's always something that can be done and there's always some way to do it faster. To the point where it's frustrating if it doesn't meet my standard of speed. We even consolidate our conversations in order to save time, it's not very often that when someone says "How are you?" they expect anything other than a "I'm good" and if they get anything more it's not what they want to hear. However, the value of patience is something that is hard to realize until you take the time to experience it yourself. (See what I did there?)

There's a phrase that goes something like "It's not about the destination, but the journey." Sometimes we are too wrapped up in getting to where we're going we don't take the time to enjoy the little things that go on all around us. So I'm challenging myself and everyone to pray for patience, because God will give you an opportunity to grow and become steadfast. Take the time to truly listen to others, stay calm when McDonald's messes up your order, and be patient when your waiting an hour for someone to get ready when you should have left fifteen minutes ago. We are called to love others and patience stems directly from love. Take some time this week to take a step back and truly be patient and see God work.

James 1:19-20 "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

Where is my motivation?

The reason that I started this blog was to not only keep track of the things that God is teaching me, but to share them with others in the hopes that they might not make the same mistakes that I have, or that they would learn something that I didn't even realize.

So this week I was challenged to think about something that seemed pretty simple to me. Where is my motivation for what I'm doing? Am I living my life to reflect the Kingdom of God, or to try and benefit myself? Answering that question requires taking a step back from my own life and evaluating how I interpret and react to everyday situations.

Colossians 3:23-24 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.."

It's a simple command, but it's also something that is almost lost in our world. Doing something that doesn't directly benefit me seems like a lost concept sometimes. If I'm going to help an old lady cross the road, or buy the lunch for the person behind me it's a hopeless attempt at making myself feel better unless I'm truly doing it to show God's light. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase WWJD (What Would Jesus Do). Well I had my eyes opened when a speaker talked about that phrase and he brought up the very good point  that I'm not Jesus! (crazy right). So maybe instead of WWJD we should be thinking what would Jesus want me to do in this situation, and am I doing it because I love Him? Not quite as good of an acronym I'll admit, but I feel that it more accurately describes my capabilities, but it doesn't exactly stop there.

Sometimes I find myself sitting in class thinking about why I even showed up that day.. I used to show up at work when I was a delivery driver and every night my thoughts would revolve around it being the worst night of my life. Then it hit me a while ago that I even something as simple as work or class I can be using that to show God's light to someone in need. It doesn't matter where I'm at or what I'm doing, the only thing that counts is whether or not I'm doing what I'm doing for the Lord. However, this can't be accomplished every time you do something.. unless you are constantly checking in with God.

Matthew 19:26 " Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Why choose Joy?

I'd like to start this blog off by stating the obvious. I'm not a writer. However, God can use even the most pointless sentences and drive them into the heart of someone who needs to hear them. So if this is't speaking to you stop right here and continue on with your day, but if it is I challenge you to continue reading and let the spirit work.

James 1:2-4 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

Going through the aspects of daily life I began to realize how many high and low points there are even on a basic level. Waking up 5 minutes late or 5 minutes early can be a game changer on whether or not I have a positive outlook on the day. How can I choose to be happy when I get cut off in traffic on the way to work, or there's a surprise quiz in my first class of the day? The list of things that decide the outcome of my day go on. However there's a little secret to finding joy that really isn't a secret and the knowledge should be spread all over the world. That secret is in Jesus Christ the saver of souls.

Now I don't want you to get the idea that once you choose to follow Jesus all of your problems will immediately disappear, I think that idea is overplayed and below the Truth that comes from God's word. There will be trials, and there will be temptation, but the God of all creation is with you along the way. All he asks of you is to believe that his son Jesus died and was raised again for the good of mankind. If you accept this reality into your heart the only option is to repay him by living life glorifying God, and sharing his love with others. Once you've come to that realization there is no reason to not find joy in every situation because you have an eternal Father who wants to know you and see you grow to know him.

Matthew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

There are plenty of opportunities to overlook the joys in life, but there are also plenty of opportunities to embrace the joy that comes from salvation. We are told to let our lives reflect Christ in order to draw others near to him. If others don't see the change in our lives from knowing our savior, why would they want to be a part of Christianity? Let the joy of being content with any obstacle that is thrown into your life shine like a city on a hill. Circumstances may be that we lose every possession on this earth, but whatever issues we have, we have a Father who is out of this world and is waiting for us to run to his arms.

What am I doing with my life?

The question that I repeatedly ask myself ever since my final year of high school is "What am I doing with my life?." In two years of college I've been to two different schools and changed my major three times. I've been dead set on what to do and where to go and then all of the sudden I realize I can't spend the rest of my life doing doing these things. It took me until late this summer to realize that everything I had decided to do was what I wanted and I had put very little thought into what God wanted me to do.

Jeremiah 29:11 states "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." When I read that verse originally I thought that God must have planned out why I was having trouble deciding where to go and what to do, but I was also thinking that he had forgotten to mention to me what to do. So without taking any thought I planned to go into ministry at Moody Bible Institute, but due to circumstances at home I ended up staying at a local community college studying for my Liberal Arts degree, and then soon after transferring to a University to be with friends and get the true "college experience". Never once did I consider what I was being called to do or give any thought to asking God about where He wants me to be.

This past summer however I was beyond privileged to be a counselor at Lake Ann Camp (If you haven't heard of it look it up and be amazed). I was continually surrounded by strong and passionate believers who were also looking to grow in their faith, and together we all had the opportunity to spread the Gospel to campers all around the country. While I was working this summer I had several occasions where people would ask me where I went to school and what I was going for and I began to realize that every time I answered it wasn't the answer I wanted it to be. So I did something I hadn't done before with my future, I gave it to God.

The very last week of camp I was working with Junior High and the guest speaker gave a message on Thursday night that could not have been more applicable to me, he preached on God's plan for your life. The words he spoke were driven directly to my heart and the part that I remember as clear as yesterday was that as long as you are willing, God will use you wherever you are. So for those of you that have no idea where your life is going know that you aren't the only one, and know that your Father in Heaven has so much more in store than you could possibly imagine.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."